Toy shopping

At about 7 weeks post op, my libido restarted and I increasingly became aroused. While that was a welcome sign after having gone several months without much interest due to the anti-androgen medication that I had been on, it was a bit disconcerting as I had new equipment that wasn't quite healed yet.

Since I haven't had a partner since separating from my ex in July 2007, the only alternative for now was pleasing myself.

Rebecca and I arranged a meeting downtown near our support group meeting on Sunday afternoon and went toy shopping.

I had never used a sex toy like the ones we were shopping for so I approached the sales assistant and told her the facts. She didn't bat an eye and described some of the features of the more popular toys and how they might best be utilized.

After discussing the choices with Becca, I finally settled on one and purchased it. I then left it in my car and we proceeded to get a light dinner and go to the support group meeting.

I couldn't get my mind off of it and eagerly waited for the meeting to get over so that I could get home and check it out!

Arriving home, I cleaned it and loaded it with batteries, turned on some music and went to bed.

Initially it overwhelmed me and wasn't as pleasant as I had imagined, but some manipulation did manage to arouse me. Even still, it wasn't quite time for the Big O.

I tried again on Monday and Tuesday. On Tuesday it was eight weeks since surgery. My surgeon had said it was safe to try at six weeks, but I just wan't quite ready then. Eight weeks today was the big payoff day!

The O was very different from what I had previously experienced but still very pleasureable. While I had practiced pleasuring myself before, I've always found it much more satisfying when it involved a partner. One of these days...

Jury Duty Summons

A jury summons came in the mail a couple of weeks ago addressed to my previous name. Rather than cause any problems by a failure to appear, I went to the jury waiting room on schedule.

After the jury commissioner came into the room and gave instructions, I approached her and asked her to correct the name on the list, showing my court ordered name change and she assured me it was not a problem.

I had received the name change decree the same courthouse just a few months ago. You would think they would update the juror selection database when a name is changed, wouldn't you? I had registered to vote under my new name the same day I received my decree.

The typical jury selection process occurred with 18 people being called into the jury box area. Four prospective jurors were dismissed for various reasons and then my name was called to fill a seat. As the process continued, I answered the questions asked the previous jurors along with some new ones.

At no time was there any indication that I was anybody special, just another woman doing her civic duty.

The defense attorney dismissed me along with two other jurors, no idea why...

Senseless Loss

While attending a social event on January 10, I approached my close friend Rebecca. As I came near I saw that she was on the phone and was quite upset. She finished her conversation and turned to me. She said that she had something she wanted to tell me but it would likely ruin my evening.

I had been looking forward to the social as this was my first social since my surgery so I'm ashamed to say that my first reaction was to ask her to wait. But seeing that she was so upset and wanting to be there for her and not appear selfish I asked her to tell me now.

She took as deep breath and told me that one of the facilitators of our weekly trans support group had passed away in her sleep the previous night. Her fiance found her home in her bed that morning. She was such a dynamo and a force to be reckoned with. Young, pretty, always happy and very supportive of those that were being oppressed with a special focus on veterans and those dealing with Gender Identity Disorder (GID).

Spending some time on our cell phones Rebecca and I arranged a meeting at a coffee place with people from our support group that we could get together and grieve.

It hit me really hard at a time that I should have been intensely happy. There were other people in the pipeline at the time, including my friend Rebecca. As far as I know, I was the first and only person that had she had helped get through transition from male to female including surgery.

At her funeral today, the chapel was overflowing with people, to the point that the chapel had to use a video camera and display the service on televisions in remote rooms. There were people standing in the hallway and even outside. I even ran into a friend there that also knew her even though neither of us were aware that the other knew her! My friend had worked with her father for years!

I only got to see her one time after just just twelve days surgery due to the holiday break. The way her face lit up and the pride she felt for her part in helping with my transition will always hold a special memory for me.

Anatomically Correct Physical

I've had the same primary care physician for almost ten years. She was there for me as I battled cancer, depression and alcoholism. She was there for me as I embarked on my fitness plan and safe weight loss.

So when I first told her my intentions to transition in 2007, she was there for me yet again. After asking me what name she should call me, she immediately offered to change the name listed on my medical records. She also asked when I wanted to start hormone replacement therapy. I asked her to hold off on the name change until it was changed legally and changed on my insurance but she was welcome to address me with my new name and pronouns right away. She has done so without a single slip ever since.

Since it was a routine physical, I hadn't really planned on telling her that day, but after a few sessions with my therapist recently, the decision had already been made by me. The timing just seemed right. As a result, I walked out of her exam room with my first prescription for Vivelle DOT, an estrogen transdermal patch. The physical changes had finally begun!

Over a year later, I was back in her office again and able to show her the results of my surgeries 42 days after the fact. She was quite impressed with the results and how quickly it was healing!

She had told me previously that she had treated several trans patients, but I was the first that had followed it all the way through surgery.

A nice hug and I was on my way back to work.

Back at work and finally in alignment

Prior to surgery, I had envisioned ALL of the things I would be able to get done while recovering at home for over three full weeks

But for the first three to four weeks of recovery, I just didn't have the energy to do more than feed myself, do my required personal maintenance, get on the computer and watch television. All of those little projects that I had in the queue just had to wait.

I was finally starting to get into the swing of being able to work on those projects as long as I rested frequently by about New Years day, almost a month after surgery.

Perhaps it may be a little to early to go back to work as I still get tired very easily. But I have to to do what I have to do. I didn't want to "waste" valuable vacation days resting.

Once my "fuel tank" of energy has run out, there just isn't any reserve. Prior to surgery, my typical day started at 5am and ended around midnight. Days were spent working or playing and at least five to six evenings a week were spent out dancing, hanging out with friends or going to various social or support activities. Now a nap is a necessity and going to bed early is much more typical. When I'm done for the day, I'm OUT.

I was in reasonably good shape when it came time for surgery, certainly much better than I had been in 2005 prior to my Liposarcoma surgery to a remove a tumor from my thigh. And all in all, my recovery was better as well. I was out of it for almost ten weeks at that time!

My boss has been fantastic throughtout my transition. The timing of my surgery date right after Thanksgiving and my recovery during the Christmas holiday meant that I only had to use six vacation days. The rest was holidays or paid sick leave.

I had already established that working at home via Remote Desktop or on my laptop was feasible and had been doing that fairly regularly for the last couple of years. So it wasn't much of a stretch for him to allow me to ease back into work by coming in to the office for four hours in the morning and then working from home the rest of the day. This also greatly simplified my daily post surgery maintenance.

It has been REALLY wonderful to be able to focus on my work at hand and not spend every other thought on addressing my GID. I was finally just me and dealing with day to day, mid range and long term issues like many other women have done forever.

Finally in alignment

On the right foot

My first New Years Eve with all of the correct (yet still healing) parts was spent in my tiny apartment.

My mom has been very accepting of my transition, her concerns revolved around my happiness, my sobriety (4/11/2005), the impact on my daughter, my acceptance by society. One of her big concerns was that "I just wish you weren't so tall!". I would guess her height to be about 5 feet 5 inches, so at almost 6 feet, I have been much taller than her for years. She still doesn't like it when I wear heels around her because it accentuates the difference even more.

We spent the evening eating Chinese food, trying to make some configuration changes to my Home Theatere Home Computer (HTPC) (one of our shared hobbies) and watching a movie.

I'm still moving pretty slow and get tired really easily. There is still some serious healing that needs to happen and sitting on anything other than my recliner or laying in bed for more than a couple of hours is painful, even with the pillow.

Post Op Christmas

Three weeks and two days since I received the best (early) Christmas present I have ever received, I found myself celebrating the holiday without my genetic family.

I finally came out to my brother in July 2008. Since we typically only visit a few times a year, usually Thanksgiving, Christmas and his children's birthdays, it was fairly easy to conceal the details of my transition. He had been making comments about my hair and nail length for a few years, not realizing the implications.

Once I revealed my plans to him, his initial reaction was one of the typical ones, "I thought you were going to tell me you were gay." He seemed accepting at the time, but after returning home and discussing it with his wife, it became clear that they did not want me around presenting as my true self.

Once the commitment had been made to go full time and to have surgery, that was no longer an option.

No mention from them about my November birthday. No discussion of getting together for the holidays. And no response to any of my offers to discuss the issues with he or his family.

So I spent Christmas day with some members of the local trans community at a couples home. Each of us orphaned by our families.

The nice part was that everyone there wanted to make the best of the day and therefore there was none of the typical fighting, hurt feelings or misunderstandings that frequently disrupt many family gatherings, at least the ones that I have attended, heard about or seen parodied on television sitcoms.

Because I was so recently out of surgery, everyone made a special effort to cater to my every need. The love and happiness shared by everyone for not being alone that day did a lot to brighten my spirits.

Thank you my friends for inviting me to your home to share in the celebration and remembering the true meaning and intent that the holiday is intended to represent.