Moving In

I spent much of the week moving the "delicate" electronics and things in the back of my van. I made a trip each day with a full load after work and by Sunday was ready to get a U-Haul and meet Mark and Charlie at the apartment to move the "big" stuff. Thank you both for all of your help!

Having been on hormones for a while and it being only three and a half months since surgery, I was constantly reminded of how much strength I had lost, especially watching them lift things that I used to be able to carry without even thinking about. I quickly gave up even trying to lift the heavy or ackward items and let them do the work.

While they were doing that, a contractor was busy laying tile in the small bathroom and ripping out carpet and installing a hardwood floor in Jenn's Dance Palace.

I've been working really hard to keep up with work, service appointments, social commitments as well as taking care of all those little things that make a house a home.

I'm one tired little girl....

Toy shopping

At about 7 weeks post op, my libido restarted and I increasingly became aroused. While that was a welcome sign after having gone several months without much interest due to the anti-androgen medication that I had been on, it was a bit disconcerting as I had new equipment that wasn't quite healed yet.

Since I haven't had a partner since separating from my ex in July 2007, the only alternative for now was pleasing myself.

Rebecca and I arranged a meeting downtown near our support group meeting on Sunday afternoon and went toy shopping.

I had never used a sex toy like the ones we were shopping for so I approached the sales assistant and told her the facts. She didn't bat an eye and described some of the features of the more popular toys and how they might best be utilized.

After discussing the choices with Becca, I finally settled on one and purchased it. I then left it in my car and we proceeded to get a light dinner and go to the support group meeting.

I couldn't get my mind off of it and eagerly waited for the meeting to get over so that I could get home and check it out!

Arriving home, I cleaned it and loaded it with batteries, turned on some music and went to bed.

Initially it overwhelmed me and wasn't as pleasant as I had imagined, but some manipulation did manage to arouse me. Even still, it wasn't quite time for the Big O.

I tried again on Monday and Tuesday. On Tuesday it was eight weeks since surgery. My surgeon had said it was safe to try at six weeks, but I just wan't quite ready then. Eight weeks today was the big payoff day!

The O was very different from what I had previously experienced but still very pleasureable. While I had practiced pleasuring myself before, I've always found it much more satisfying when it involved a partner. One of these days...

Anatomically Correct Physical

I've had the same primary care physician for almost ten years. She was there for me as I battled cancer, depression and alcoholism. She was there for me as I embarked on my fitness plan and safe weight loss.

So when I first told her my intentions to transition in 2007, she was there for me yet again. After asking me what name she should call me, she immediately offered to change the name listed on my medical records. She also asked when I wanted to start hormone replacement therapy. I asked her to hold off on the name change until it was changed legally and changed on my insurance but she was welcome to address me with my new name and pronouns right away. She has done so without a single slip ever since.

Since it was a routine physical, I hadn't really planned on telling her that day, but after a few sessions with my therapist recently, the decision had already been made by me. The timing just seemed right. As a result, I walked out of her exam room with my first prescription for Vivelle DOT, an estrogen transdermal patch. The physical changes had finally begun!

Over a year later, I was back in her office again and able to show her the results of my surgeries 42 days after the fact. She was quite impressed with the results and how quickly it was healing!

She had told me previously that she had treated several trans patients, but I was the first that had followed it all the way through surgery.

A nice hug and I was on my way back to work.

Last update from Mark

My friend Mark wrote the following message to update people for me, Thank You Mark!

Howdy!

FIrst, let me apologize for not getting a status out the last couple of days, but as you can imagine, it's been busy between work, helping Jennifer, and believe it or not, helping her roommate in the hospital.  So, needless to say, my time was quite full.  

The last couple of days in the hospital saw great progress on Jennifer's part.  She was up and walking, eating well, taking showers, and on her computer, phone and getting better.  The progress is slower then she would like, however, it is excellent progress and she's doing and looking fantastic.  The nursing staff at the hospital, almost without exception, were fantastically nice and supportive.  They never kicked me out of Jennifer's room at 8PM, when visiting hours were over.  Tuesday night, I left at 8PM because I was just completely wiped out and exhausted and Jennifer was pretty much sleeping off the anesthesia.  Wednesday I stayed until 9:30PM, Thursday I stayed till 10:30PM, and Friday I stayed till 9PM.  So, to say they weren't wonderful would be an understatement.  They were always smiling, kind, and supporting of everyone there.

Today Jennifer checked out of the hospital and into the Morning After, which is a nice little bed and breakfast that has a 1 bedroom apartment that she's staying in.  There are other rooms, however, Jennifer just lucked out in getting the apartment.  It's very spacious and very comfortable and a nice change from the hospital.  And, get this, there's even an extra bed in the apartment for me to stay in tonight.  Unfortunately, I will be leaving tomorrow morning (Sunday).  The bed'n'breakfast is really nice and peaceful with nobody else here except for one of the girls' wife.  She has satellite TV which includes XM, plenty of overly processed food, so a trip to the grocery store rectified that problem, and she has a wonderfully comfortable chaise lounge to snuggle into with blankets on top.  It can be tough after a while, but pretty comfy none the less.

Jennifer's timing was fantastic!  She was the first person after Dr. Bower's vacation to start the process of surgeries (this past week was a busy one for Dr. Bowers).  As a result, she had her own room at the hospital until Thursday when Jessica joined her as her roommate.  Initially when she got  there, there weren't that many patients on the floor, so the nurses were able to really focus on Jennifer and not really get pulled too much in other directions.

Jennifer's spirits have been great.  Never once has she complained or made a fuss.  She's been a real trooper about dealing with the aches and pains.  When I would ask her how she was doing or how she felt, she would always be upbeat.  And, she would always find the strength to smile through it all.  Her desire to keep focusing on the positive steps is commendable.  One of the best things she did on Thursday was to do a little jig / dance.  I'm NOT kidding here.  She had made her way out of her bed and into a chair before I got there that morning.  She looked tired sitting there.  It was really nice to see her out of the bed and "up".  We talked and visited for a while before she took her first walk.  It wasn't far, just out of the room and down to the end of the hall just past the nursing station and back.  She walked slowly and steadily.  When we got back to the room, she got back in the bed and rested.  Later that day, she got back up again and needed to stretch and move a bit before her second walk (this time all the way to the cafeteria and gift shop and back).  We didn't stop at either one, but she made the full circuit.  So, as she gets up and starts stretching and moving for this second walk, she says look and she puts her hands up and shakes her hips a bit and said look, I'm dancing.  I just cracked up and knew she was doing well.  I know it was hard and she was in pain, but there she was dancing, even if slowly and just a little and smiling from ear to ear.  if ever I get sick, I want her there with me to help me stay focused on the good and not get stuck on the bad.  She's AMAZING!!!!!!!!  And, I'm sure you all know this!!!!!!

Thursday or Friday, I threatened to sing for Jennifer to entertain her, and as some of you know, that's a fate worse then fingernails on a chalkboard.  Well, needless to say, even I couldn't be that mean to her and make her suffer, so instead, I opted for poetry.  So, I quoted out loud to her:

"There once was a man from Nantucket"

to which her reply was:

"Who went to Trinidad and left his balls in a bucket" 

We both burst into laughter.  I even told Jennifer I was going to let you all know of HER"poetry "talents."  And, trust me, that one short poem was a much better thing to happen then my singing.  I think the nurses would have sedated me and thrown me out had I started singing.  We still laugh about it.

For as tough as this has been on Jennifer, I want to tell you how wonderfully gracious she has been to EVERYONE.  She's treated the nurses, the cleaning staff, me, Dr. Bowers, Carol (Dr. Bower's partner), and the other girls in the hospital with kindness and graciousness.  She's been stellar to EVERYONE.  The nurses even commented how wonderful she has been.  They said they've seen Drs, Lawyers, Teachers, etc... go through this and were some of the biggest babies whining and carrying on and even being demanding or just not very cooperative and nice.  They said that they wished all of their patients were like Jennifer.  So, needless to say, she really left an impression on the staff at the hospital.   Everyone's bent over backwards to make sure she was comfortable, taken care of, and always said hi with a big smile on their faces.  And, Carol even said that she told Dr. Bowers that something was wrong with Jennifer because she was always smiling, no matter what was going on (e.g., when the drive locked the keys in the car on the way down from the airport, at night, in the snow, and they had to wait an hour and a half for a locksmith.  Carol said that Jennifer just smiled and was as patient and nice as can be.  

Today, Saturday, was a great day and a nice and relaxing day.  The flowers in the apartment are fantastically beautiful and smell lovely.  The light comes into the apartment really well and just brightens up the place.  Jennifer had a slight headache at the hospital that just faded away when she got here.  I know I am leaving tomorrow (Sunday), and I also know Jennifer is going to do very well here in the apartment by herself.  But, really, she wont' be by herself.  Julie (one of the girls' wife) will be in/out during the day and Carol will be around as well.  I know Jennifer is a bit nervous, and I'm FULLY confident she'll do just perfectly fine.

Before going, and not to get too sappy here, I wanted to let you all know how wonderful an experience this has been for Jennifer.  She's got this incredible peaceful smile on her face and is just in heaven.  She has this energy about her that I've never seen before.  Yes, she's the same person we've always known, but it's different now.  Her smile is brighter, her laughter is sweeter, and she seems to be walking on clouds.  I don't think I've ever seen her so incredibly happy before, EVER!!!  I can't wait till all of you see it too.  And, one more thing, without all of your e-mails, flowers, phone calls, gifts, and most of all unconditional Love and support, Jennifer path would have been a rougher and more unpleasant journey.  That's not to say she didn't have some rough patches, but trust me, y'all have made it that much easier for her.  So, pat yourselves on the back and know that you were all an incredible part of her journey.  I've heard some really scary stories from some of the other girls and let me tell you, Jennifer is lucky to have each and everyone of you in her life supporting her all the way.

Let me close out my last status with a few great quotes from Maya Angelou:

• It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.
• Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it destination full of hope.
• There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
• The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.

Best to all,

--Mark

Another update from Mark

Hey Y'all,

She's Back!!!  When I got here this morning, she had just finished eating breakfast, every bit of it!  Soooooo, our girl has her appetite back.  She ate a full lunch and a full dinner.  For dinner, the burger from the kitchen, as well as the fries, left a little to be desired.  So, instead, I ran out and got her a Sonic Burger and, get this, TATER TOTS!   Seriously, how can you not want tater tots.  A food from the goddesses that was put here on earth to make us all smile and dance in the streets with glee and excitement.  In fact, if I'm not mistaken, out of the corner of my eye, when she thought I wasn't looking, I swear I saw Jennifer dancing in her bed as she was eating them - look out Catherine Zeta Jones (from Chicago the movie)!!!!   :-)

Today she was her great wonderful self that we all love so much.  She was completely alert and talkative (when she could get a word in edgewise beyond my chatty self), watched TV, and was on her computer most of the day.  Dr. Bowers stopped by this morning and said she was doing great and again said how wonderfully well her surgery went yesterday.  I asked Dr. Bowers when she thought Jennifer would be able to leave the hospital and she said Saturday.  So, should all go well, she will probably check into the Bed and Breakfast on Saturday for a few more days of easy going recovery.

I saw and heard Jennifer laugh and giggle today which was an extremely welcome change to yesterday's post surgery fog.  Jennifer sent herself a box of stuff she would need and I retrieved that for her because it was a day late.  In it was her wonderfully cuddly teddy bear (among other things) - hey, I thought I was her teddy bear.  She's all comfy in her bed, hugging her teddy bear, taking in the fantastic flower smell, and chill'n out and recuperating.  She called her mom and her daughter today too.

Around dinner time tonight, just before I left for Sonic  Burger, Jennifer kept feeling something on her ankle and across her foot which turned out to be the elastic in the socks from the hospital.  So, I took the socks off of her this evening and put lotion on her feet and rubbed them for a little bit.  I think she's working me - LOL.   I really don't mind helping her feel more comfortable and she said that having the socks off and her feet moisturized was a nice change and felt good.

This new adventure just keeps getting better.  For the first time in her life, as far as she knows, Jennifer's received flowers.  Can you imagine...she's never received flowers from anyone ever.  5 vases worth!  They
are beautiful in her window sill.  Every time a new vase arrived, she would beam with excitement.  The smell they produce is intoxicating and makes the room that much more lovely to be in, as best as it can be for a hospital.  And, the little gems are quite thirsty so I add water twice a day to keep them fresh and healthy.

Sometime this afternoon, Jennifer made me beam from ear to ear and laugh out loud.  She was looking for her reading glasses and couldn't find them.  She said she thought they were on the bed tray, but that wasn't the case.  I looked over and they were on the bed right next to her side.  So, I said to her, there they are, right next to you.  And, she replied that she couldn't see them because her breast were in the way.  Her sense of humor is alive and well.  I just love her wit!  It's truly been a blast and an honor to be here with her.  Tomorrow (Thursday), she takes her first walk.  I'm really excited that she'll be up and about, even if only for a few steps.

Jennifer is ready to start receiving short and brief phone calls.  So, on that note, please feel free to call her here at the hospital.  Her direct number is XXX-XXX-XXXX.  RULES:  If for any reason, Jennifer feels tired or otherwise indicates she's ready to hang up, be ready to say good-bye.  Retelling her story can be tiring and you all know what I'm talking about!  Don't ask her too many detailed questions, save those for when you see her next and her strength and energy is 100%.  Tell her a funny story and keep her in stitches (until they dissolve away - haha).

Oh, one more thing.  Jennifer does NOT have a ride set-up for getting home from the airport in Sacramento.  If any of you would like to volunteer to pick her up next week Friday, December 12th, at 11:57 AM, please let me know.  It will be first come first served for getting her.  If more then 3 of you volunteer, then I'll hold a silent auction where I make tons of money - hehehehehehehehe.  Now, keep in mind that she may even be able to get home a day or two earlier then that.  So, for all you would be volunteers, let me know if any of you can pick her up during the day on Wednesday or Thursday should Dr. Bowers let her travel.  Naturally, Jennifer will let you know her exact schedule as it becomes known to her.

Jennifer thanks you all for the e-mails, flowers, thoughts, and prayers from the bottom of her heart, which we know is deep and bottomless for the love she's given to all of us!!!!!  She's looking forward to reconnecting with everyone and misses you all dearly and sends her love.

Bye for now,
Mark

The day has arrived.

Catching up on the day after surgery. Wasn't quite aware enough that day to post...

I had already left the hotel when he got to Trinidad so he hustled over to the hospital.

Most of the check in paperwork had been done, so when I got to the hospital there wasn't much to do except change into the gown and socks and let the nurse take my vitals.

I didn't have any time to really lay out my things or get nervous because about then Mark came bursting into the room with his infectious smile and enthusiasm.

He arrived carrying a large pink gift bag full of fun girly items that Janice so kindly sent. Even though I had most of the month ahead of me to go through them, Mark wanted me to open them right then and there. I agreed that I might as well as I didn't really have anything else I had to do at that time.

Janice sent along toys, hair care, lotions and other cute girly things. Thank You Janice - your thoughtfulness is very much appreciated!

At around 7am a nurse came for me to escort me to the OR prep room. Mark came along and sat and made small talk with me and charmed the staff with his jokes and chatter. We talked about breast feeding of all things and how a mother's body creates antibodies to help build the newborn's immune system. While the chatter was going on, the nurse placed an IV on my left hand.

After last night's cleansing, I was really surprised but made one trip to the restroom in the prep area for one more BM. I was finally empty!

Another Mark, the anesthesiologist, came to chat with me and added something to my IV.

After a few more minutes, they came and asked if I was ready. Silly question!

To my surprise, I walked to the OR where the team was checking there prepartions. One of the members was singing the Oompa Loompa song (from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory). I have no idea why.

In a VERY cold room, I got up on a strange looking OR table that was VERY narrow and had extensions for my head, arms and legs. My arms and legs were being strapped to the table as Marci came in, joked with the staff and gave the go ahead.

Mark told me he was going to give me something to relax me and that is the last I remember until much later in the day....

Day One update from Mark

Hi All,

Day one of this incredible life altering process is just about over.  Jennifer came through it with flying colors.  Dr. Bowers said all went well, no complications, everything is great, and in two days (Thursday), Jennifer will be up and about running a marathon.  No wait, not a marathon, playing tennis and biking a cool 100 miles up and down the mountains here in Trinidad.  OK, no, that's not it either :-), but she will be up and taking her first steps on the next chapter of her incredible journey.

She got to the hospital at 5:00AM this morning to do the last of her pre-surgery prep stuff.  After that was over, she opened some gifts that I brought her from her friend Janice.  This was great fun and a great way to pass the time as we waited for Dr. Bowers to get here.  This seemed to put her in a great zen state of mind.  I asked her if she was excited and she replied it was the RIGHT thing to do, in her kind, caring, compassionate and resolute state of mind.  It was nice to see her relaxed knowing she had finally reached the end of a long chapter about to start a new one.  I must admit, she was focused, and had a sense of peace about her that was nice to share.  

She went into surgery a little before 8:00AM and I anxiously awaited.  Thankfully, I am working this week from the hospital, so I had things to occupy my mind and fingers so I wouldn't harass the nurses and get myself into trouble.  I ducked out at 12:30PM to get lunch and when I got back at 1:30PM, she was literally being wheeled into her room, which is when they would first let me see her post surgery.  She was awake, but very groggy.  She said few words and just kept her eyes closed for the longest time.  I would get a word here or there that let me know she was awake and aware.  Flowers showed up just shortly after she came in from her surgery.  They were from her coworkers and are quite beautiful and smell lovely.  They're in the 3 foot  deep window sill where the sign says flowers go and they are in her line of sight.  She really looked peaceful today as she slowly came out of anesthesia.  

Finally, around 5:00PM, she seemed to "wake up" and get a bit animated and talkative, in a low key sort of way.  Slow movement is the way, when she HAS to move.  She's been pretty calm.  Dinner showed up around the same time.  Liquid only for dinner.  She wasn't very hungry, so not much was consumed.  Mostly, she rests and cat naps and mumbles to me now and then to let me know she's there. 

Jennifer woke up at 7:00PM from an hour and a half nap in a little pain.  Her timing has been great, because as the medication starts to wear off, the time for more seems to be upon us.  The pain medicine takes the edge off of the worst of the pain and makes it quite manageable.  She's a real trooper and I'm doing my very best to help her along. .  The nurses just gave her the new round of medicine and I'm going to wait till she's comfortable again and head on to the hotel (probably around 8PM).  Currently, she's napping again.  Besides, visiting hours are over at 8PM and they'll make me leave - they don't know me too well, do they - hehe.

To help her relax and take her mind off of pain, I gave her a foot massage (both feet), brushed her hair, fed her ice chips, got her water with a bendy straw. put  cool washcloths on her forehead and pulled the blankets down when she was warm and pulled them back up when she started to feel a chill, and most of all, I gave her little kisses on her forehead and told her they were from her friends that miss her and are thinking of her.  I just kept reminding her that she is loved by her friends and family. 

Jennifer is at the:

Mt San Rafael Hospital Int Med 
410 Benedicta Ave Rm 114
Trinidad, CO 81082

PLEASE NO CALLS YET.  As you can imagine, she's not much for talking yet, especially on the phone.  And, the good thing is the hospital has free wifi!  You can get messages to her in a variety of ways, you pick what works best for you and you're most comfortable with:

• By calling me and I can relay your messages to her
• Sending her an e-mail (I anticipate her being back on-line tomorrow - Wednesday, but no guarantee)
• Send her an e-mail via me and I'll read it to her (just make sure you copy her if you do this one so she'll have her own record of the message)

Well, it's 7:45PM and I have to pack up the computer and get out at 8:00PM, the end of visiting hours.

Regards,

Mark

Long Night

I currently hold the record for the latest office appointment prior to surgery.

Robin came to the hotel to pick me up at 12:30am on "the day" because Marci finally made it back to Trinidad after her airline delays at 1am on December 2. 2008.

The pre-op exam went fine but was a little eerie because Marci, Robin and I were the only people in the building at that time of night. Most of the lights were off.

Marci made a couple of marks on my chest to indicate placement of my new breasts.

Luckily she did not have to be back to the hospital until around 8am while I was supposed to be there at 5am!

Robin took me back to the hotel so that I could pack, take a last shower and try to catch a couple of hours sleep.

I actually did get back to sleep and was ready to go when Robin came back to get me. I talked to Mark and he told me he had arrived in Colorado and was driving down from Denver while I was supposed to be sleeping...

Pre op memories

Called a customer of mine to tell him that I had some significant life changes that may affect him. 

Janet gave me a ride to Dr Bowers office and took care of the initial paperwork with Robin.

Robin then sent me over to the hospital to handle the preadmission, blood type and match and to receive the bowel prep gear and instructions. I was given a "blood" wristband to cross check on Wednesday and a temporary hospital wristband, I'll let them take it off when they see fit.

Mark called and reminded me to send him a contact list and to wish me well.

Becca chatted online with me for about an hour and Mom also chatted with me.

Started the evil drink at 13:50, mixed with Sprite. Other that some stomach gurgling, nothing has come out but urine so far as of 18:00

I took the Durolac pills at 16:50 and didn't feel anything right away but by about 17:40 my stomach was feeling upset and I thought I might vomit. I pulled the garbage can closer but after I sat still for a while I settled down.

Customer called back finally called back at about 17:00. He took it REALLY well and is looking forward to continuing to work with me. I also had to provide some support for a firewall reconfig for software he was installing.

I called Robin at 17:30 because I hadn't heard from my ride and was due at Dr Bowers office. She said she had been trying to call my cell, but hadn't tried the hotel. I was all dressed and ready to go. She told me that Dr Bowers wasn't back from Seattle. Last she had heard, the flight hadn't left yet!Someone is at the Colorado Springs airport waiting to pick her up already.

I was reassured over and over that the surgery WILL happen tomorrow and Dr Bowers WILL see me before the surgery.

So I am supposed to continue with my cleansing, watch bad televison and in the immortal words of Douglas Adams "Don't Panic".

And yes I have my towel.
I'm doing ok, just following directions.

GRS date moved up

I had a screening appointment with Dr Marci Bowers http://www.MarciBowers.com/ on November 10, 2008. I had previously submitted an application and deposit and had a date scheduled for July 17, 2009.

At the appointment, I was informed that there had been a cancelation and since I met all of the prerequisites and was next on the waiting list that I was elgible for the next open date of December 2, 2008! My cheeks hurt for two days from smiling so much. Of course I happily accepted.

The next three weeks passed in a whirlwind of activity.

• Sharing the news with friends and family members
  
• Two days in Fort Collins working with CIRA for work
  
• Request for medical leave from work and associated paperwork
  
• Preparing my daughters room for her return from college after finishing two quarters early! (Congratulations Honey!)
  
• Final medical tests and appointments
  
• Packing
  
• Going over my list and checking it twice.