Traveling to DC Diamond Circulate

Now that all of the work of moving and setting up my new house is done, it's time to get on with living life.

I merely existed for several years. While I took joy in the achievements my daughter accomplished I was not really doing much for myself.

Since 2005, I've been very active in square dancing including going to the International Association of Gay and Lesbian Square Dance Clubs (IAGSDC) annual conventions.

Going out to the local club nights and interacting with gay and lesbian dancers was my primary means of gaining experience and socializing with "normal" people. Normal in that they did not have gender identity issues, but were very accepting because of their own adaptation to their sexual orientation. As a result, I was able to practice my presentation. The photographs and differences in social interaction from when I first joined them until today shows a marked improvement, to the point that I was just another woman without regard to being in the "safe" environment of square dancers or out shopping, dining, flying and just living life in mainstream America.

Flying to Washington D.C. alone this time was the first time that I traveled by air (except for returning home ten days post op) with my identity and anatomy in sync. While I had flown with my old id and also my new id, there had always been some concern with being "discovered". Fortunately, I never did have any problems, but the worry was there.

This time however, there was no cause for concern. As a result, I was able to sit back, relax and just enjoy the trip.

Moving In

I spent much of the week moving the "delicate" electronics and things in the back of my van. I made a trip each day with a full load after work and by Sunday was ready to get a U-Haul and meet Mark and Charlie at the apartment to move the "big" stuff. Thank you both for all of your help!

Having been on hormones for a while and it being only three and a half months since surgery, I was constantly reminded of how much strength I had lost, especially watching them lift things that I used to be able to carry without even thinking about. I quickly gave up even trying to lift the heavy or ackward items and let them do the work.

While they were doing that, a contractor was busy laying tile in the small bathroom and ripping out carpet and installing a hardwood floor in Jenn's Dance Palace.

I've been working really hard to keep up with work, service appointments, social commitments as well as taking care of all those little things that make a house a home.

I'm one tired little girl....

Wait begins again

On March 6, 2009, the escrow process complete, I received the keys to my house!

The ten year old house is a three bedroom, two bath with a small backyard, living room/family room, garage and a room that I intend to use as a square dance floor.

While it's just a typical suburban tract home, it's mine and I can finally park in the garage again!

I ordered cable Internet and met the installer that same day, it was installed and up and running in minutes and I had the fastest home connection I have ever had. And I've had most all of the technologies over time, modem dial up, ISDN, DSL, Cellular Wireless and now Cable.

I had previously committed to driving over 250 miles that day with my friend Rebecca that day so that she could get hair transplants the next day and then return to my apartment after another 250 mile drive to care for her during her initial recovery until she returned to work on Monday.

But that is what friends do. So with the house keys in my pocket and a fast Internet connection sitting idle the moving process would just have to wait. ;)

She felt badly for taking me away from my new house, but I reassured her and told her I would much rather be with and help a friend, that the house was just a thing. It had waited this long, a couple more days would not make any difference.

After the drive, we checked into a hotel for the night and then went out to dinner and a movie. Dinner was at a fresh mex type place. As the staff prepared the burritos, if a patron answered yes to guacamole, the whole staff would shout out GUACAMOOOLLE! Kind of corny, but memorable. We then went to see Watchmen on opening day as an early birthday celebration for Becca. When we got back to the room, I gave her a card and a dark brown stuffed bear that she named Sophie.

The next day after a big breakfast, we headed over to the treatment center for her procedure. The staff was very professional, chatty and cheerful and took good care of her. Since we were the only ones in the office, I had full run of the suite. I initially myself up in the waiting room with my book and computer, but it wasn't long before my curiosity got the best of me and I went to check on her. The doctor asked if I was ok with seeing the blood and I assured him that I would be just fine. I'm one of those people that always watches and never looks away.

Once the donor site had been harvested and while the target sites were being prepared, I sat with her and kept her company. At one point, she got very emotional and needed to take a break. The mental anguish she has gone through in trying to hide the widows peaks hit her hard and knowing that there was finally something being done about it hit home.

After a few minutes and some reassurance, the the staff proceeded with the transplants.

My genetics are such that hair loss is not something that I have had to deal with. I have a full head of hair and no indication that balding is likely. One area of transition that I did not have to deal with other than just letting it grow out naturally!

It felt really good being there for a good friend on her birthday and being able to help her get through the procedure.

House Hunting

With all of my legal identity and financial information in order and a W-2 for 2008 in hand, I began my search for a house.

The apartment that I have been staying in was fine for what it was and I will remember it fondly for all of the major events that occurred in my life over the last year and a few months.

But it was too small and I will be the first to admit that I was ashamed to invite friends over because it was full of the possessions that I had collected over the years and had to squeeze in after moving out of the home that I owned with my ex.

I had been watching the market and had a good idea of where I wanted to live and what features I wanted.

With my major surgery behind me, healing well on it's way, the real estate market at a low, mortgage rates at very favorable levels and cash in the bank for a down payment, I was a buyer with a mission.

Walking into a real estate office as a woman alone and requesting available properties to be shown was more than a little intimidating. This wasn't just some retail store purchase, this was a BIG DEAL.

The realtor was very professional throughout the entire process. At no time did she ever indicate that I was anything other than a woman looking for a home.

All of the properties that we looked at happened to be foreclosures with lenders willing to make special deals to make the sale. I was shocked at just how badly some of the homes had been treated. While I can understand the pain and anger the previous owners felt at losing their home and their investment, the amount of damage and theft that I witnessed still boggles my mind.

Fortunately, there were a couple of properties that were in excelent condition. I made an offer on one property and put down a deposit.

The waiting is agony. But I've learned to be patient as I have had to do a lot of waiting for things that I really wanted like going full time and SRS.

After waiting a couple of days, I was informed that the seller had received a higher offer and accepted it. Oh well, plan B.

The next day I went back to the realtor and went house hunting again.

We went back to one of the properties that I had passed over the first time because of some crazy interior painting but was otherwise in move in condition. A few dollars for paint and some labor by my daughter and it would be in great shape! So another offer was made. This time I had to wait for four days because of the weekend but come Tuesday, I was told that my offer had been accepted!

I knew that my credit reports, 2008 tax return, W2 and earnings statements all listed the correct name but one thing that I hadn't counted on was the lendor requested that I sign an authorization for the IRS to release my last THREE years of tax returns. You know, the ones that had my previous name on them! After a phone call to the lendor explaining that my name would be different on the previous returns but not telling her what the name was, I was reassurred that it was a release "just in case" and more than likely would not be sent to the IRS if everything else was in order.

With the inspections scheduled, the loan application accepted and escrow opened, it was back to waiting again...

Toy shopping

At about 7 weeks post op, my libido restarted and I increasingly became aroused. While that was a welcome sign after having gone several months without much interest due to the anti-androgen medication that I had been on, it was a bit disconcerting as I had new equipment that wasn't quite healed yet.

Since I haven't had a partner since separating from my ex in July 2007, the only alternative for now was pleasing myself.

Rebecca and I arranged a meeting downtown near our support group meeting on Sunday afternoon and went toy shopping.

I had never used a sex toy like the ones we were shopping for so I approached the sales assistant and told her the facts. She didn't bat an eye and described some of the features of the more popular toys and how they might best be utilized.

After discussing the choices with Becca, I finally settled on one and purchased it. I then left it in my car and we proceeded to get a light dinner and go to the support group meeting.

I couldn't get my mind off of it and eagerly waited for the meeting to get over so that I could get home and check it out!

Arriving home, I cleaned it and loaded it with batteries, turned on some music and went to bed.

Initially it overwhelmed me and wasn't as pleasant as I had imagined, but some manipulation did manage to arouse me. Even still, it wasn't quite time for the Big O.

I tried again on Monday and Tuesday. On Tuesday it was eight weeks since surgery. My surgeon had said it was safe to try at six weeks, but I just wan't quite ready then. Eight weeks today was the big payoff day!

The O was very different from what I had previously experienced but still very pleasureable. While I had practiced pleasuring myself before, I've always found it much more satisfying when it involved a partner. One of these days...

Jury Duty Summons

A jury summons came in the mail a couple of weeks ago addressed to my previous name. Rather than cause any problems by a failure to appear, I went to the jury waiting room on schedule.

After the jury commissioner came into the room and gave instructions, I approached her and asked her to correct the name on the list, showing my court ordered name change and she assured me it was not a problem.

I had received the name change decree the same courthouse just a few months ago. You would think they would update the juror selection database when a name is changed, wouldn't you? I had registered to vote under my new name the same day I received my decree.

The typical jury selection process occurred with 18 people being called into the jury box area. Four prospective jurors were dismissed for various reasons and then my name was called to fill a seat. As the process continued, I answered the questions asked the previous jurors along with some new ones.

At no time was there any indication that I was anybody special, just another woman doing her civic duty.

The defense attorney dismissed me along with two other jurors, no idea why...

Senseless Loss

While attending a social event on January 10, I approached my close friend Rebecca. As I came near I saw that she was on the phone and was quite upset. She finished her conversation and turned to me. She said that she had something she wanted to tell me but it would likely ruin my evening.

I had been looking forward to the social as this was my first social since my surgery so I'm ashamed to say that my first reaction was to ask her to wait. But seeing that she was so upset and wanting to be there for her and not appear selfish I asked her to tell me now.

She took as deep breath and told me that one of the facilitators of our weekly trans support group had passed away in her sleep the previous night. Her fiance found her home in her bed that morning. She was such a dynamo and a force to be reckoned with. Young, pretty, always happy and very supportive of those that were being oppressed with a special focus on veterans and those dealing with Gender Identity Disorder (GID).

Spending some time on our cell phones Rebecca and I arranged a meeting at a coffee place with people from our support group that we could get together and grieve.

It hit me really hard at a time that I should have been intensely happy. There were other people in the pipeline at the time, including my friend Rebecca. As far as I know, I was the first and only person that had she had helped get through transition from male to female including surgery.

At her funeral today, the chapel was overflowing with people, to the point that the chapel had to use a video camera and display the service on televisions in remote rooms. There were people standing in the hallway and even outside. I even ran into a friend there that also knew her even though neither of us were aware that the other knew her! My friend had worked with her father for years!

I only got to see her one time after just just twelve days surgery due to the holiday break. The way her face lit up and the pride she felt for her part in helping with my transition will always hold a special memory for me.

Anatomically Correct Physical

I've had the same primary care physician for almost ten years. She was there for me as I battled cancer, depression and alcoholism. She was there for me as I embarked on my fitness plan and safe weight loss.

So when I first told her my intentions to transition in 2007, she was there for me yet again. After asking me what name she should call me, she immediately offered to change the name listed on my medical records. She also asked when I wanted to start hormone replacement therapy. I asked her to hold off on the name change until it was changed legally and changed on my insurance but she was welcome to address me with my new name and pronouns right away. She has done so without a single slip ever since.

Since it was a routine physical, I hadn't really planned on telling her that day, but after a few sessions with my therapist recently, the decision had already been made by me. The timing just seemed right. As a result, I walked out of her exam room with my first prescription for Vivelle DOT, an estrogen transdermal patch. The physical changes had finally begun!

Over a year later, I was back in her office again and able to show her the results of my surgeries 42 days after the fact. She was quite impressed with the results and how quickly it was healing!

She had told me previously that she had treated several trans patients, but I was the first that had followed it all the way through surgery.

A nice hug and I was on my way back to work.

Back at work and finally in alignment

Prior to surgery, I had envisioned ALL of the things I would be able to get done while recovering at home for over three full weeks

But for the first three to four weeks of recovery, I just didn't have the energy to do more than feed myself, do my required personal maintenance, get on the computer and watch television. All of those little projects that I had in the queue just had to wait.

I was finally starting to get into the swing of being able to work on those projects as long as I rested frequently by about New Years day, almost a month after surgery.

Perhaps it may be a little to early to go back to work as I still get tired very easily. But I have to to do what I have to do. I didn't want to "waste" valuable vacation days resting.

Once my "fuel tank" of energy has run out, there just isn't any reserve. Prior to surgery, my typical day started at 5am and ended around midnight. Days were spent working or playing and at least five to six evenings a week were spent out dancing, hanging out with friends or going to various social or support activities. Now a nap is a necessity and going to bed early is much more typical. When I'm done for the day, I'm OUT.

I was in reasonably good shape when it came time for surgery, certainly much better than I had been in 2005 prior to my Liposarcoma surgery to a remove a tumor from my thigh. And all in all, my recovery was better as well. I was out of it for almost ten weeks at that time!

My boss has been fantastic throughtout my transition. The timing of my surgery date right after Thanksgiving and my recovery during the Christmas holiday meant that I only had to use six vacation days. The rest was holidays or paid sick leave.

I had already established that working at home via Remote Desktop or on my laptop was feasible and had been doing that fairly regularly for the last couple of years. So it wasn't much of a stretch for him to allow me to ease back into work by coming in to the office for four hours in the morning and then working from home the rest of the day. This also greatly simplified my daily post surgery maintenance.

It has been REALLY wonderful to be able to focus on my work at hand and not spend every other thought on addressing my GID. I was finally just me and dealing with day to day, mid range and long term issues like many other women have done forever.

Finally in alignment

On the right foot

My first New Years Eve with all of the correct (yet still healing) parts was spent in my tiny apartment.

My mom has been very accepting of my transition, her concerns revolved around my happiness, my sobriety (4/11/2005), the impact on my daughter, my acceptance by society. One of her big concerns was that "I just wish you weren't so tall!". I would guess her height to be about 5 feet 5 inches, so at almost 6 feet, I have been much taller than her for years. She still doesn't like it when I wear heels around her because it accentuates the difference even more.

We spent the evening eating Chinese food, trying to make some configuration changes to my Home Theatere Home Computer (HTPC) (one of our shared hobbies) and watching a movie.

I'm still moving pretty slow and get tired really easily. There is still some serious healing that needs to happen and sitting on anything other than my recliner or laying in bed for more than a couple of hours is painful, even with the pillow.